Light on the Sacred, Heavy on the Profane
Monday, April 05, 2004
All that Catholic Schooling Finally Paid Off

Grammar God!
You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!

How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I just wish I was more certain about my answers.

via The Queen of All Evil
Rump Ranger Would be a Scandal

You know you're gay if you think this is a scandal.
WHICH prominent Republican elected official has a private e-mail address beginning with the name "RoughRider"? A former staffer accidentally included the private address when he mass-e-mailed a joke about the French.
If you're a male gossip columnist, you might think that RoughRider had something to do with the nexus of gay sex and Republican politics. And in a way I wish it did, cause if this blog has a theme, that's it.

Unfortunately, Most Republicans know that Rough Rider was the nickname of Republican Teddy Roosevelt's calvary regiment in the Spanish American War. If you asked one of us, "Who was the Rough Rider?" We would all tell you, "Teddy R."

So if there's a "prominent Republican elected official" with a RoughRider email address, all I can say is, "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

I love Page Six and Richard Johnson- not in that way- but they've failed to do their research on this one. Does make for an amusing blog entry, though.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
If You're Reading This...

Then you probably asked why my leg is in a cast and I probably said something along the lines of, "I'm tired of explaining it, read my damn blog." Sorry for getting "snippy about it" as Al Gore would say. I've just explained this so many times, I'll probably start receiving urban legend emails about it soon.

Last May I began to train for the NY Marathon. After a year and a half of fixing up my Aunt's apartment and moving in, I had gained about 20 pounds through lack of exercise. I hadn't run a marathon since 2001, had a guaranteed entry for the 2003 New York Marathon, and finally had enough free time to train.

So I went from 0 to 20 miles a week in a month, figuring that I wasn't THAT out of shape. A familiar pain developed in my left leg, one I had felt when I was doing 35-40 miles a week just before the 2001 Philadelphia Marathon. Figuring I had had it before and ran on it with no problems, my training continued. Another month went by, and the pain became so acute my running stride was changed. I knew that wasn't normal, so I cancelled my marathon entry and rested for 3 months, figuring it was a muscle strain and would heal in time. Yoga seemed to help, so I went to more yoga classes in the meantime.

After my convalescence, I began to run a meager total of 9 miles per week. The pain returned, as bad as ever. I sought out massage therapy, which didn't help at all. Eventually, I gave in and went to my primary care physician, who said, "If it only hurts when you run, don't run." Gee, thanks doc. So I got professional help.

I went to the medical director of the NY Marathon, Dr. Lewis Maharam. In 5 minutes he diagnosed me with "tibial stress syndrome" which he characterized as halfway between shin splints and a stress fracture of the tibia. This is caused by my feet pronating, or rolling inward with each stride. It shortens the ligaments (tendons, perhaps? I forget which.) on the inside of the tibia, and, left unchecked, will cause pieces of the tibia to be torn off the bone. He prescribed orthotics (shoe inserts) and physical therapy. These helped and immensely reduced the pain.

After a couple of weeks, he asked me to start running again. I did so with no problems and no pain. A couple of weeks later, he asked me to push up the mileage, to see if I can train for marathons again. At 20 miles per week, the pain returned and got worse. It wasn't changing my stride, but the pain was definitely returning. During this time I ran an 8K in 35:01 my personal record. So despite the returning pain, I did feel I was getting better.

When I went in for my checkup, he squeezed my tibia and I screamed and almost wet myself. He brought out a tuning fork and held it against my tibia, asking if I felt an ache. I did. (He did the tuning fork test on my first checkup, but I didn't feel an ache. Perhaps it was all the rest-healing- my bone had gotten before I went in.) So he diagnosed me with a stress fracture of the tibia.

He prescribed a cast on my leg for 2 weeks, followed by an x-ray and either another cast or 6 weeks without running. I told him I rested for 3 months before I came to him, what's 2 weeks gonna do? He told me that I may have not run, but I ran for buses, trains, walked too fast, etc. Well, now you're immobilized. You ain't gonna do any of that. I think I can get you running again by the summer, just don't put any weight on it, and see me in 2 weeks. We'll take the cast off, and take an x-ray.

Well, that's my story. Let me answer the FAQ's:

1) Q: Don't your toes get cold?
A: Yes.
2) Q: How do you shower?
A: With a plastic bag taped over my cast.
3) Q: Doesn't the tape rip off your leg hair painfully?
A: Yes.
4) Q: If you were in pain, why did you keep running?
A: Because I enjoy it.
5) Q: Yeah, but didn't the pain reduce the enjoyment?
A: Every distance runner's a masochist at heart. Hurt me, sexy mama.
6) Q: Don't you think your doctor fucked up?
A: He's a sports doctor. I don't pay him to err on the side of caution. I pay him to err on the side of keeping me running.
7) Q: How do you get up stairs?
A: Slowly
8) Q: Don't you feel vulnerable with a cast on?
A: No, because if someone's foolish enough to knock me down, I will get up, hop after them, and beat them senseless with my crutches.
9) Q: When does the cast come off?
A: April 14, this shall be known as Freedom Day and shall be a national holiday, henceforth.